A simple...rant.

For all of those who are about to read this. This was purely created out of passionate despise and was also created for love of quick writing. When I am angry I have to type it out and so I am for warning you this and I know it's something that will eventually work out. But when I wrote this last night I had developed so much anxiety and anger inside that I let my fingers flow on my keyboard.

ENJOY! :D

How is it that even you who knows how perspective I am that I wouldn’t understand you. And this situation you created. That is right. You keep telling yourself it has been me all along. Me being the, “over dramatic angry whore.” But you have misunderstood the situation. Have some balls and apologize for this madness you created. You were the one that cheated your way through our relationship. Sly like a menacing fox about to race to the pray. Eyes open wide dazzling while you salivate all over the new estrogen proto type. I suspected but didn’t confess. I wanted and hoped for the best and looked for the good. But those menacing dazzling eyes shredded me into pieces. You walk away from your own damage you’ve created acting as if it’s the circle of life.

Well here’s the thing, you’re subconscious mind is blocking the guilt and shame from your own selfish never ending need of something new and fresh. You were looking for love and once you found me even though your thoughtless words said you loved me, you were hiding from acknowledging the unclaimed desire of a perfect love. I was your temporary cover up. And you consistently persisted to take more from me. More of things I would have wanted to keep sacred but I gave them to you out of loneliness and feeling needy. A concept I never truly understood until then. You desire for perfection in all outlooks but you know you will never truly be happy because inside you’re so incredibly self conscious by your own imperfect self. You desire to be the perfect one woman man but also to be the man of many women. The two complete opposites will never be the yin and the yang. They clash like two tigers fighting for a mate.

You disgust me with your sexually addicted fascination that you lost all love for me and persisted till I wouldn’t give you anymore. You then realized that I wouldn’t give you what you wanted and became bored and gave up on something incredible. We made it seem like we were just a summer fling but even you know it was so much more. Not even your own subconscious mind can hide that. I don’t believe you ever loved me like the way you said you did. Or barely ever kissed me the way lovers should kiss. But I know I meant something to you and I will be someone you’ll never forget. I will be that lingering taste in your mouth like a comfort food. Over time you will crave my taste and I will have simply moved on by then because truly as hurt as I am by this massacre. I am relieved that you are no longer the boy I am embarrassed to say is my boyfriend, no longer the boy who pressures me into something I don’t want to become, no longer the boy who only wants an everlasting more.

I want someone that will love me for me and respect my decisions and who wouldn’t ever have the thought in mind to manipulate me to do something I’m not ready to do or want to do. And you sir, the gluttonous luster, I am happy to say that I will never let you try to pry upon me again. I have examined the way you etch your way to battle and for your information this battle is over. And the victory is mine.

Pick up the Pieces

Please glorious amazing lord help me. For I have fallen into a broken place. Not necessarily dark but broken. I thought I was over my last ex and then you gave me that dream reminding me that he was still there in my mind subconsiously. Lord I want to let go. And let go of someone I care about now and my ex. I need to start a new path in my life now and they are not what I want in the back of my mind. The to polar opposites that had drawn me in in many different complex ways. But they are my past. No matter how much my heart thirsts for the taste of  "feeling loved" I will prevail. I need my own time God. For months my faith with you as fallen. At this point I'm not really sure how to start all over again but all I can say that is and will always stay true is that I believe in you lord and you are truly the most incredible light. When the time is right and you know I'm for sure ready come into me and show me a new glorious world.