A Taste of Go Girl [True Story]

So my Dad and I are in Vons just picking up some things before picking up Chinese at Happy Dragon. So we're looking around and we're discussing energy drinks and Dad is raving about Tag. So I tell him you know I don't think they sell Tag here but we look anyways. So we find the collection of energy drinks and did not see Tag (as I suspected) but, we saw the lamest name for an energy drink that had estrogen written all over it. It was called Go Girl. My dad and I busted up laughing as soon as we saw the product.



So anywho I'm like wow...that's got to be one lame energy drink. It sounds super weak. And so he's like, "Well...why don't you try it?" So I pick up this "energy drink" and take a look at it

It was really pink. Apparently Go Girl supports the Breast Cancer Foundation. And had the typical qualities as your average energy drink.



So I'm like okay why not for the heck of it. So I go to put the Go Girl can in the basket it and I guess someone it hit a sharp corner and it starts to explode in the front of the isle so my dad takes it and puts pressure over the opening and then gives it to me which ofcourse gets more "Go Girl shit" all over me so then I decided that I must stash away this evidence so I put it by the plant section infront of me and quickly walk away with my dad lol. Once we arrive to check out my dad says go get another one so I get it. We leave the store and it truly was pretty weak...

It was just like a strawberry soda.



So the moral of this story is...

If you see any drink product with the word Girl in it...they're most likely sexist bastards...

If you are in need of storing an exploding object in a store hide it with the plants.



And just to fill you in on something...

As lame as it was...
Breast Cancer never tasted so good :].

I'm Done.

I'm on with a new chapter in my life now. I want to be more heard and not just the friend on the sidelines. I want to be someone that truly makes a difference in other people's lives. I want to be the person that people can come to and just vent and ask for advice from. I want to be the one that has true friends that are completely happy with just watching Boy Meets World or are up for an adventure. 

I had friends like these and as time has moved on some have moved away, some have changed, and some have just almost completely shut me out from their true selves. 

All of these things used to be things I had in friends and I noticed... lately the ones that I have made a difference in their life, the ones that wanted my advice and were very open with me, the ones that wanted to just chill. Weren't the people that I considered my close friends but they are true friends. 

Today, I started to notice my feeling of truly wanting to let go and then I heard more things about others who have talked about me behind my back which I never didn't suspect but it was proof.  I'm tired of the fake friendships and I'm ready for real ones. 

After going to Hanford, I was around true people. People that didn't cause drama. People that I could trust and know would care. People that I know I could play glow in the dark frisbee at 2am :). People that want to just sit on a hammock or sit in a pitch black room and talk about issues. 

So thank you God for this challenge. In the past I used to hate change but in a way now I have become to really be grateful for the challenges you make me face. They make me stronger each day and I know in my heart the pain will end and there will always be a new even more beautiful beginning. 

Blessings.

I graduated.

And I'm not sure why BUT I'M SO STOKED!!!

So many amazing people I know from Campus Life and other friends said Congrats to me afterwards and I'm surprised I didn't cry from such joy. It was amazing to see all of them and I'm just so glad they went. I love you all.



Sober Grad was awesome. I almost didn't go even though I paid but I was like okay maybe it'll be kind of cool and it was a blast :D. Haha gambling probably was the best part lol. I'm not gonna lie lol.



Then I wake up this morning and someone who was my best friend tried getting in contact with me today and it was like OMG another blessing!

And this isn't even with all of the lovely graduation gifts and people that came to visit.



I don't think I've been this happy in a long time.

Thank you so much lord for your plentiful blessings :D

Help.

Lord Almighty,

I'm so tired of people that I think care about me lie to me, smile at me fakely, telling me they love me when I know the truth. I just wish people said the honest truth. I wish people didn't feel as if they had to hide their true self from me. Even the little things that they may feel as if I may be jealous or disappointed...whatever the situation is they should be able to trust me. I have been a good friend Lord. I have tried anyways very hard and we all fall short at times but I need you to forgive me and help me through this process for the best. Whether it means to let go and move on or to help strengthen the relationship just help me. I'm in a time in my life where times are changing and I don't feel as if I have anyone to really rely on. I have a feeling this summer a lot will change in general and one of the things is that I want to get closer to you lord but I want to also find friends that I can call a best friend again and mean it without looking at that person knowing that we aren't anymore or the boyfriend who says he loves me when I know he cares but he doesn't nearly care about me like the way he used to. I'm just so tired of being disappointed with the people I get close to. Because they always fade away. And yeah a bit of that is life. People do come in go but, I really would love to have some people I can actually rely on for a change.

A Strange Dream.

Okay so I shared this with a couple people today but I had the strangest dream last night.


It was prom and for some reason every couple were like on these little boats on this lake. It was night and everything looked really pretty there was candle light and everything but in the lake there were all of these polar bears and sharks. And there was this one polar bear and shark and both of them were like two times the size of my house (maybe more) and they wanted to eat me lol.


So I'm trying to hide from the polar bear and the shark behind this ice wall which is barely on any land to be supported which connected out to the lake.. And the polar bear ends up giving up but the shark is a little jerk and keeps on trying to get me but finally after a while the shark goes away so I bounce on each of the empty boats to go on the boat with my date who oddly wasn't Rex but Raphi lol I have no idea why Raphi was my date or why were were on these boats (or better yet why a massive shark and polar bear were trying to eat me but ANYWAYS!) I told Raphi we needed to leave and he's like what? And I just tell him we've gotta go there is a massive shark trying to eat me so we float in our boat as fast as we can away from the lake into this gate area where you could exit the lake and the shark started coming after us but we got out before the shark could get us.


I don't know what was going on with my subconscious mind but it was on CRACK! lol

I Need You.

I feel so lost right now. Everything except my faith with Christ is great right now and it's really starting to hit me. I confessed today how I truly haven't felt connected with the lord since like...January. I mean there were times where it was on and off but then around February or March it starting feeling more nonexistent. I would tell myself over and over again that things were okay. I was praying and I would talk to God on the way to school. But I never really looked in the bible and I just didn't seem to feel like "I had the time for him" or that I truly cared that much.

It started hurting so bad today in the middle of our small group. I was so focused lately on everything else great going on that I wasn't even paying attention to the most important thing. The lord. I know I need to go on a mission trip of some sort whether it's from Faith Community Church (Rex's Church- He has a lot of amazing friends there that I know could help guide me) or even New Harvest Church (the place where I feel at home). But I need to go somewhere and do something.

After our small group I almost started bauling. I couldn't take it. I needed to get away from all of the noise and be a peace talking to someone that I know will understand or help me somehow. Not somewhere where I could make a scene for everyone to see. I couldn't stand picturing that. So I tried calling up my sister first and thank God she answered and we talked for a little bit and she offered to pay for a mission trip of mine as a present. She is such an amazing blessing. Oh my God I adore her so much. I'm tearing up now just thinking of how incredible she is but at the time it was like...I really needed to talk to someone who could help me improve myself. So I tried calling Derek Abbott. I love that guy but sadly he didn't answer his phone. So I started looking through more of my contacts and out of nowhere I tried calling Matt. I don't even know why I tried. I hung up before even getting the answering machine.

And right now I just need to be alone. I need sometime alone for myself and no one seems to get it. My mom and I almost just now got into an argument because I told her I really need to be alone right now. She asked me if someone broke up with me?! Ofcourse not! I told her it was my faith and I don't think she even believed me.

But I have lost the passion I used to have and it hurts to terribly. Maybe Satan hasn't directed me into a bad area. I mean... let me rephrase that. The things I'm involved in right now are good but Satan has distracted me from the lord.

Even though it didn't strike me as much as it should in the car. This was the first song that played on the radio.

Britt Nicole- Believe

Wait, wait, wait, there's somethin' that I gotta say
It'll take, take, take, just a minute so don't walk away
I search in circles for a remedy
To fight the poison that is killing me
It's like I'm falling fast head over feet
Is anybody listening?

I wanna believe
I wanna believe in love again
I wanna believe
I wanna believe in love again
Tired of living this way, tired of everyday
So will You help me?
I wanna breakthrough
I wanna believe in You

Hey, hey, hey, why is everyday the same for me?
Fake, fake, fake, just pretend what I'm supposed to be
I need an answer for my remedy
I need a Savior 'cause I'm in too deep
I reach up, I reach up
Will You reach down here to me?

I wanna believe
I wanna believe in love again
I wanna believe
I wanna believe in love again
Tired of living this way, tired of everyday
So will You help me?
I wanna breakthrough
I wanna believe in You

You found me, found me, You were looking for me
You found me, found me, You were looking for me
You found me, You were waiting for me
I can see Your love
You found me, You were waiting for me
I can see Your love

I believe in You, I believe in You, I believe in You
I believe in You, I believe in You, I believe in You

I wanna believe
I wanna believe in love again
I wanna believe
I wanna believe in love again
Tired of living this way, tired of everyday
So will You help me?
I wanna breakthrough
I wanna believe in You

I wanna believe
I wanna believe in love again
I wanna believe
I wanna believe in love again
Tired of living this way, tired of everyday
So will You help me?
I wanna breakthrough
I wanna believe in You

Define Truth (tired of being the outcast).

What is truth? Is it the words the creep out of one's lips? Is it the look off innocence in one's dreary prolonged expression? Truth has a deeper meaning and it seems as if I have come to known people of nature that lack it. The truth of an undenying friendship. Or the truth of personalities and those who tend to...mend reality's footage. And those who laugh and fake their way through their life thinking selfishly of only themselves.

My birthday is coming up...and I don't think anyone cares. Did you know that hurts a lot? I think the only people that will actually even care to do something for me is my family and my boyfriend. That shows you were the true ones are now. And yeah, it's a birthday. There are plenty more of them. But when I think back on my 18th birthday I want to be able to smile and know it was a really nice one. Last year was a dud and the year before that was somewhat okay but not much better. And again it was really my family that put in the most effort. Honestly...I think my 15th Birthday was one of the best. My best friend (at the time) and I had close birthdays and had a joint party. We had the best of times back then...

I've been trying not to show others how I truly feel lately and maybe that makes me untruthful but people expect the smiling nodding face from me. They expect me to make them laugh and vent to me and so I can tell them it'll all be alright. Lately, I've been the one that's wanted to hear someone that would make me laugh and hear me out and tell me I'm alright. Thank you lord for Rex. Maybe I shouldn't be depending on him but lately besides family, he's all I've got.

Well that's my vent for the night. I just have been holding a lot in lately. Mostly stress and I miss the feeling of knowing that I have true friends. Maybe I do have some and I don't even realize it but there are some that you know truly don't want to be that close to you and that's what hurts the most.

Well that's all I have to say anyways...